I suffer from reasonably regular migraines. In 2017, I was having at least one intense migraine a week, to the point where I would be completely incapacitated. Anywhere from 7 to 10 on the pain scale. They would give me horrible nightmares whenever I was able to sleep for whatever short time my body would allow me to rest.
Like many people who are in chronic pain, my mind often turned to ridiculous cures: What if I put this knitting needle through my eye? If I could just rip out my sinus it would relieve some pressure… If only I could put a rail spike through my temple, or put a knife tip into the base of my neck to relieve this pain.
Twice I had actually found myself pulling a paring knife from a drawer before realising what I was doing.
It was while I was sleeping through one of these migraines that my brain decided to play with one of these ideas:
The entire environment I was in was a cool blue, the colour of hospital gowns or icebergs. I had a syringe in one hand filled with iced water, and medical tools in front of me, resting on a metal tray. I had removed a piece of my own skull, just to the right of the frontal lobe, and holding the syringe over my exposed brain, I began to express the cold water directly onto my grey-matter. It felt soothing but also repulsive in the sense that I knew that I had done something permanently damaging to myself, and would not be able to put myself back together. I was essentially exposed and lobotomised.
This wasn’t one of the longest or most horrifying nightmares I’ve had but it’s stuck with me for almost two years.
Thankfully, we found the cause of my migraines and since dealing with that, I’ve only had one every other month in the past 6 months. The nightmares haven’t shown any sign of slowing, on the other hand.
How does pain affect your dreams?
Good Nightmare 